Simply smile. Smile at me for just a while. Don’t say a single word. Let me sit next to you and dive into this moment. Breathe in life and exhale my stress away. Shh…there’s no need to speak of words of wisdom today. It’s not that I won’t listen to what you have to say. It’s just that I have had a long day and the last thing I need, is to drown myself into another pool of thoughts. Please disregard any misconception you might’ve concocted in your head while you’re sitting there wondering if I had lost my mind. No, it’s all in tact. My hypothalamus, medulla oblongata and cerebrum are working just fine. I’m just having one of those days. The weight of the world has finally taken a tow over me and I just needed to escape for a moment, this very moment, release my worries into the air and just breathe. Are you breathing? Better yet, are you still listening? Great, let me scream to the top of my lungs. My mind has been racing all week. The one-second I decided to take things in is the very moment I want to rip my heart out and relieve the world of its misery. Actually, I want to wipe the tears off the corner of that child’s eye. The irony in life is that as adults, we assume our troubles are greater than a child. Truth of the matter, a child suffers without complaining. Us adults, we nag, complain, and can easily change up our situation. Shit happens. You make a mistake; great, learn from it and move along.  After what I have witnessed these past couple months, I’ve come to understand that a child has a greater amount of patience and strength than an adult. You see they smile when things are right or wrong. Sure they’ll cry but they have adapted a rule of moving a long. A sick child does not whine about being sick. He/she would lie there and kindly mind his/her own business and does not utter a word about the aching pain that lingers in their little body. Children tend to have the strength of a warrior. However, we never pause to compliment them on that. They are force to live life the way it is given and laid out without a say to it. Half the time, we are off controlling their lives to our own adjustment and benefit. The stress-level that ate up our heart has not been unloaded on to their tiny heart. Yes, lets go ahead and pretend like they are only young children who do not know any better. Does that make you feel better, making believing that garbage filled with lies? Please, bag your excuses with those lies and dump yourself out before you’ll miss the next trash pick up day.  So I’m being a tad bit harsh today. Please, make all the necessary judgment you want of me and make all your adjustment. I’m tired of grown adults not realizing how great their lives are. I’m tired of their complaints and unnecessary bullshit lies. Cry me a river with your daily rants because the truth of the matter is that you dug yourself into that hole so get your own ass out. I know you’re wondering how all this is correlating into one another and what’s my point. Well, well, well…I know as adult we are responsible for an endless list of things. However, we need to learn not to let that consume our ability to function as a righteous being. Sure we are flawed. Who isn’t? Yet, that excuse does not justify our lack of commitment to get things going for our own lives. If a child can find the strength to be strong during a life-threatening surgery or medical condition, believe there’s a better tomorrow somewhere over the rainbow, then we as adults can find the strength to move on from a broken heart, broken dreams, broken promises… and believe the same thing

So…I lied about wanting to stay quiet. It’s just one of those days. I think I’m done screaming for the night. Seriously, there’s just certain things that ticks off my head in the wrong way and I’m over my head about folks sulking in misery. Enjoy life…and be mindful of the child that you come across the next time around. His/her life may be just as hard as yours or not or maybe more. Just because it’s a child doesn’t mean that child does not suffer or hurt.

Am I done? Sure. Wait…thanks for listening.



I’m having the hardest time sleeping tonight.  My mind is just cluttered with thoughts.  I haven’t had any time to sort through them.  I feel as though the day is just going by too quickly and there just isn’t enough time in a day to get through things.  I wouldn’t dare ask for an extended hour.  I just wished I managed my time better.  It’s ironic how we whine about not having enough time to do things. Yet, when given the time or opportunity to make things happen or get things going…more than likely laziness tends to seize the moment.

Sure, of course I want to stay on top of the ball. Last week, yesterday, today…I’ve been standing on my tippy toes, rolling around on the ball…caught up in a daze trying to keep balance. I know; I’m losing my focus.  Stay focus.  I can’t help it, well I can, but I’m not even trying.

I’ll tell myself, “Tonight, I’ll get some sleep. Wake up to a brand new tomorrow and live up to the day.” Eh, whom am I kidding? I’m writing this at 1am instead of trying to catch up on my sleep and counting cows.

Truth of the matter, I know what to do to stay on top of the ball and get it rolling. I understand I should be sleeping instead of tiring myself out accumulating hours to win the next insomniac award. Wake up, prioritize my schedule, run the errands and get things done. Eventually, I will. It just…today is one of those days. Heck, for the past month it’s been an in-a-funk-mode mood.

I end up lying there contemplating to the wee hours. Half the time, I want to scream at myself for not milking the day for what it’s worth. Sorting out my thoughts. Ah, I don’t know where to start. It’s true, thinking in itself, can be the death of you.

Let me tally up the ways I’ve just wasted my time just typing up this post. Ha. The geatest thing about being a human…finding humor when things are just a mess. You can look at the world, situation, problem, etc. any which way you want but if you just keep your sense of humor and cool throughout the process…what would’ve seem like a dent in the wall, ache in the heart, a massive mole hill…will look like a scratch the size of a paper cut on the wall, heartburn passing through from a fried Twinkie and an ant hill that can be walked around.

Tonight, I won’t complain about the random blizzard that just hit home. Shoot, I love fresh snow as my daughter is running up ahead making fresh footprints. I won’t grunt about the massive amount of homework, papers, and studying I have to do. I have a couple of years of it to get by so if I complain now…I will never get through the other years in tact. Tonight, I’ll post this entry and listen to my other half snore as I’m trying to sort through my thoughts and think about the buttload of things that need to be tackled tomorrow. Hey…I never said my mind stop thinking. I just wish we had that magical finger snap….to snap things into place (sometimes).

It’s a new year.  I’ve been scrambling around spring-cleaning my house from top to bottom. Throwing out everything of the past and getting ready to welcome the present. I prayed to the ancestors and welcomed them home to celebrate Lunar New Year with us. I have a strong feeling it will be a delightful year. I know I’m quite superstitious, but I truly believe if you make your home a welcoming place during the Lunar New year for the ancestors, family, and friends that we’ve lost along the way to come join us in the celebration, then it will most definitely pay off throughout the year. I can’t concur that something miraculous will appear on the front doorstep as you get up tomorrow morning or any day. However, I will say they’ve been the greatest guardian angels in my life. Yes, you can catch me in a rant or complain about the petty stuff in life. Yet, at the end of the day…my troubles are nothing compared to others out there. I’m very fortunate and blessed.

If there’s anything I’ve learned last year, it is to let by gone be by gone. I don’t need to consume myself with unhealthy thoughts and waste my time on people who shouldn’t be of any importance to my life. Whether it’s a family or friend who turned into a foe, I’m not going to let your misery get the best out of me. Misery loves company and I’m sure not in that state of mind. I’ve realized people love to create drama just to be the center of attention. What’s the point? God forbids something bad happens (knock on wood) and then all of sudden you want to come running back around. Do you think you’ll be welcomed then? Listen, you have 365 days in a year to say hi and small talk. Don’t wait for something drastically bad to occur just to come around and “be there” for a person. I never understood those individuals who hides from his/her family and friends and appears to be around only when an eye awakening moment came crashing right down in his/her life before they’ll make their move. Lets not pretend that it wasn’t what it supposed to be or make up a petty excuse. Every day that passes us by, is a day for you to make that necessary changes to do right in your life. If you want to live with that amount of regret, then go right on ahead. However, I would advise that you step over that pride of yours, bury it alive and learn to make with what’s in front of you. I understand that there are people out there you just can’t understand or be around. That’s understandable. Yet, don’t let that glitch fill something in your heart. Just agree that it’s something in your life that can’t be mend and let it go. Don’t dare put a thought into it. It’s not worth your time to visit and reevaluate. Move along with gravity. Some forces just can’t be combined.  The world would be a much better place if we would just learn how to enjoy our own life and stop comparing it to others. Stop caring of how someone alters his/her body parts or does something you don’t agree with. You can only advise him/her but in the end it is not your life to get worked up about. Just be happy for the other person. Yes, you can be blunt all you want, but it’s not your life to worry over and bed to be made. Make your own bed, worry for what’s in front of you.

Lets be real, we all aren’t going to life our best life everyday. However, we can start trying. It’s like anything in life…it’s a lifestyle that takes time to adapt and adjust to. My hurdles are just as difficult to get over. I just learned along the way not to ever turn an anthill into a molehill and those who love doing so needs to be avoided at all cause. =)

First blog, I had to get this out of the way before Head gets mad at me of not filling up this empty space. This writing urge wanted to come out for the longest. However, I’ve been backing down and away from it. I hope this is the start of something that will continue on.

I bid you all a Happy Lunar New year. Until then…